Marissa's+Page

I can identify many forces that have shaped me into who I am today.

First let me start out with my parents. They have helped me into making the right decisions and by choosing the right path for me. Honestly, I couldn't really say where I would be as of right now without them.

Colorguard and marching band has taught be to be more social and outgoing amongst others as well as taking the responsibility of becoming a leader not only for myself but for the other members on the team as well.

Another force that has shaped me is my life, being able to live the way that I do. In a nice house with a nice environment to top it off, also, with enough food to eat and clothes to wear. Since not many have that luxury.

My friends, are another force, helping me take the stress out of mind and replace it with laughter and fun in my everyday life.

My aunt has shaped my life dramatically. Recently, she has been diagnosed with stage four lymphoma and is struggling with her chemotherapy treatments. Her will to live is very strong, it has opened my eyes to take my life for granted and spend as much time with her as I possibly can.

My cousin Adam is another force that has shaped my life. He just became a 2nd lieutenant in the army last month and will be serving our country. None of our family members wanted him to serve our country, for fear of his life, but he did not listen and followed his dream. I would like to be able to follow my dreams and not worry about what other people think just like he did.

My sister has also been a force throught my childhood, she has put all her effort into school and her grades. She has taught me to work hard in order to achieve the things that you want in life. So I strive everyday in accomplishing my goals. Making sure that one day I can follow in my sister's shadow and become a well disciplined student,

My cousin Scott is another force that has shaped me into who I am today. He has been doing drugs for a few years now and living on the streets but he has recentely stopped doing drugs and is getting the help that he needs for his addiction. Honestly, my cousin just inspires me in general, to admit to yourself that you did something wrong and get the help you need in order to survive. Let's face it drugs can kill.

Lastly, my grandmother has shaped me in a different way. She has taught me how to live life to what you are not used to also not always relying on technology to get the job done. Since she lives in a foreign country a lot of things are different. She does not have a washer and dryer in her household so she washes every piece of clothing by hand outside. My grandmother also does not have a stove so she cooks over basic wood and fire. In addition to all of this, she also grows her own food outside so there is rarely any need for shopping.

I am overjoyed by all of these important people in my life making a difference in their lives as well as mine.

Marissa, I can relate to your Aunt, there's no need to go into detail about how because you already know, but if you ever need to talk feel free to say something to me and I will help to the best of my abilities. It seems like you have a lot of role models, and family values appear to be very important to you. It's very good to see that you notice all of these people in your life truly making an impact on who you are. Look to them for courage and strength, and never forget the friends who stayed through the good and bad times, as well as the memories you created together. ~Shandelle

Chinese Cinderella posting #1 9/29/11

Chinese Cinderella is an autobiography written by a middle aged woman about her harsh childhood life. Her real name is Jun - ling, but everyone in her family calls her "Wu Mei" which means fifth daughter or "bad luck". The reason why everyone calls her bad luck is because when she was born her mother died giving birth to her. Life doesn't get any better when her father remarries a seventeen year old with a fourteen year age difference named Niang. Wu Mei has an aunt named Baba, a grandmother named Nai Nai and a grandfather named Ye Ye. Her Aunt Baba is the older sister of her father. She is also meek, shy, unmarried, has no money, and is ordered by the family to take care of Wu Mei. Wu Mei has an older sister, three older brothers as well as a younger brother and a younger sister. Her older siblings constantly bully her, while her younger siblings are too young to understand what is going on. The book is set around 1941 when a civil war was happening between Japan and China, where society in China is bowing down to any Japanese individual, if refused or forget they will be punished or even killed.

This part of the book made me feel very envious of how I live now and am not unfavored by my family. Im glad that I have older siblings and parents to look up to instead of Wu Mei who can only be independent since all of the adults were not acceptable role models. Though this type of poor influenece on Wu Mei can shape her and I believe as this story continues, that she will shape into an strong individual who can look at life straight in the face and not be threatned. I also can see that life back then for everyone was pretty bad. Since the civil war was happening at that time, everyone was in fear of the Japanese since they conquered China and if respect was not given to them they would take action immediately. I feel gracious that I don't have to live in fear of foreigners and that I feel safe within my nation.

When Nai Nai was a little girl she explains how customs in China were differnet than what they were now. She had to bound her feet. This was because tiny feet for women back then were considered beauty and feminine. Due to Nai Nai's feet being bound her arch was crushed and has foot pain almost everyday. I see the bounding of the feet in Nai Nai's case a part of human characteristics because of the fact that humans seek perfection in this world. Nai Nai continues to explain how her mother refused to unbound her feet even though Nai Nai constantly begged her.

Chinese Cinderella posting #2 10/18/11

In Chinese Cinderella, the step mother, Niang, treats all five of her stepchildren including Wu Mei differently than her real children. For example, Niang decides to buy each of the children clothes for the new school year, yet when she does, her real children get brand new, high fashioned western style clothing while her stepchildren get used and old fashioned clothes. As well as Niang's real children get to eat whenever they want to while her stepchildren can only have three meals a day without any snacks in between. Niang also shares different feelings among her children. Wu Mei would always keep secret about truth on how worthless and ugly Niang really made her feel and how her mind was filled with constant anxiety because of that. Since Wu Mei was the youngest of the five stepchildern and middle of all of Niang's childern combined she would often get lost in the shuffle meaning she would barely get any attention or praise unless she studied hard and got perfect report cards. Due to her perfect scholastic record, Wu Mei was nicknamed genius amoung her classmates. Wu mei would never accept things from other classmates, such as rides home or snacks because she was afriad of getting in trouble with her family and she knew she could never reciprocate in kind.

In this portion of the book I felt pity towards Wu Mei. Since she has to live her life in fear of her stepmother and siblings hoping that she can be as good as she can be so that they wont hurt or tease her. What really caught my eye was how can a girl show tremendous courage, overcoming struggles and hardships from the age of four. She describes her pain that no one cares about her enough to make sure that she home, and that no one in her family realizes that she is missing. To relieve her pain and sorrow within her, Wu Mei finds writing as a pure pleasure where whenever she has a spare moment she would write to her hearts content. I feel thankful that I have a family who cares about me, wont hurt or tease me, and wont toss me aside for other siblings or members of the family.

Niang realized that her five stepchildern were going to confess to their father about how Niang really acts when he is not around. Niang decides to step in and recruit Big Sister, Da Jie, to her side since she is the only person out of the five childern who knows how to write in Chinese and disguise it well so that they can write and send a strongly worded letter to their father. Niang invites Big Sister to move herself and her belongings to the second floor since that floor is where she, her father, and Niang's real childern stay. Despite the fact that her five stepchildern are commanded to stay up on the third floor. Eventually, Big sister becomes friends with Niang and follows her every command. As a reward, Big Sister was allowed outings with friends, gifts and even money. I feel this part of the book is a strong element of human characteristics considering this shows how humans can decieve others to get what they desire.

Chinese Cinderella posting #3 12/6/11

In this portion of Chinese Cinderella, Wu Mei’s father and stepmother Niang take her Big Sister, Da Jie, out of school to accompany them on a “business” trip. Everyone living in the household, including Wu Mei, wonder why they were bringing her along in the first place. Apparently, Da Jie was introduced to Samuel, son of Dr. Sung, who was Wu Mei’s grandmother’s doctor, while she was still alive. Da Jie then agreed to marry Samuel, for reasons unknown, though at the time, there was almost 15 year age difference between them. During the wedding, when people brought in wedding gifts, Wu Mei noticed Niang sorting through them, only to keep the best ones for herself.

I feel, in this section, that there seems to be a pattern with significant age differences in marriages. Such as, Wu Mei’s father married Niang with a 14 year age difference and now Da Jie is marrying Samuel with the exact same age difference (page 4 and 86). I also felt pity towards Da Jie for being forced to marry at such a young age without a high school diploma or college education and not being able to enjoy the wedding gifts, since she had to beg Niang to let her keep a pendant that was given to her by her great Aunt (page 86 and 87). While I continued to read, I had to stop and reread a certain section that caught my eye. I realized that Da Jie thanked Wu Mei for once. I could sense such compassion and sympathy for Wu Mei and Da Jie for breaking the tense atmosphere between them. After that, I had some sort of intuition that Wu Mei was never going to see Da Jie after she left for her honeymoon with Samuel (page 89).

Niang is very cunning when it comes to manipulating and controlling others to do what she wants them to do, seeing as she brought Da Jie on this “business” trip just to marry a rich doctor’s son and send her away to live “happily” ever after. Though I understand that wasn’t the case to begin with, knowing of her history, it was clear to detect that she was doing this to benefit herself yet again. While she was ruining her stepdaughter’s future by not allowing her to complete high school or to even let her start college, she initiates an arranged marriage with no arguments against her. On top of that, she steals wedding gifts given from other people to her stepdaughter.

Chinese Cinderella posting #4 <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'; font-size: 16px;">12/22/11

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Currently in Chinese Cinderella, Niang and father have decided to separate Wu Mei from her aunt as it seems to them that she is a bad influence on Wu Mei. They were planning to take Wu Mei to Tainjin where, to Wu Mei’s surprise, were fewer than 10 people on their plane. When they arrived at Tainjin, Niang decided to toss Wu Mei aside, as though a piece of garbage, to the St. Joseph’s boarding school, which was the same school where Niang used to go to. During Wu Mei’s time in the school, most of the girls were leaving, where Wu Mei discovered that the Communists were winning the war and were planning on sending soldiers to arrest and put in prison any Capitalists person in Tainjin. Wu Mei, at that moment, loses all hope and claims that no one will come for her, until Niang’s older sister, Aunt Reine, takes her out of school and sails with her off to Hong Kong.

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'; font-size: 16px;">So much compassion, pity, and sympathy were running through me the whole time I was reading this section. She was abandoned, neglected, and was never even seen as part of the family her entire childhood. I noticed in the book when Niang and father were taking her away to Tainjin, that Wu Mei was afraid that they were taking her to an orphanage. Tough when they arrived, to my amazement, Wu Mei was actually glad that they were putting her into St. Joseph’s school as a boarder. At this point, I felt so badly for her, that she was actually happy to get sent away to a boarder school instead of an orphanage (page 128). By Christmas, all the boarders where gone for the holidays and were not planning on coming back, so Wu Mei ate dinner all by herself. By New Years, the sisters were too busy to fuss with Wu Mei (page 133 and 135). For her to be so alone at such a young age was difficult to read because I felt that I could feel was she was feeling in some ways.

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'; font-size: 16px;">The neglect that Wu Mei got during her childhood has increased when the stewardess was handing out landing cards, as soon as the plane took off, and to Wu Mei’s surprise her father didn’t even remember her own birthday and on top of that her name! Wu Mei was neglected to the point where they didn’t even want to be bothered with her, so they abandoned her at a boarder school without even glance or a wave good bye. Seeing how Wu Mei has grown so much within this short portion of the book, she is a stronger person, not letting things between her family get to her in addition to trying to keep her composure and hope when she feels that all is lost.

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Chinese Cinderella posting #5

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'; font-size: 16px;">12/23/11

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'; font-size: 16px;">In the last portion of Chinese Cinderella, since Niang’s older sister brought back Adeline back without consulting her first, Niang sends Adeline to another boarding school. She has been there for already two years without any visitors or letters from anybody. This causes her classmates to feel pity and gossip about her. Yet again, when the holidays came near, Adeline was left alone again. While she was alone, Adeline started developing Pneumonia with a fever of 104 and was hospitalized immediately. This was when she was finally taken home and was told that her older brothers have already left the house to attend college in England. In letters, she constantly begs her father to let her attend college in England with them. Her father announces, later on, that she was the 1st place winner in the International Play Writing Competition, which proves to him that he is proud of her and that she has potential, allowing her to attend college in England, but he gets to choose what she studies.

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'; font-size: 16px;">I have felt so much hatred with Niang especially in this part of the book because when Adeline was already feeling down and upset about her Grandfather Yeye dying, Niang would announce out loud, during his funeral, that Adeline was looking uglier as she grew taller and older. Plus, after the funeral Niang instructed Adeline to look for a job when school ended since her father could no longer “afford” her school fees. She also reminded Adeline that she was 14 years old and could not be living in luxury at her father’s expense forever (page 186 and 187). This really got me upset because, first of all, she is only 14 and is already being told to live on her own which to me, is not right. Second, I do not believe that her father cannot technically afford her school expenses; it’s that her family doesn’t want to have to deal with her anymore.

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Due to Adeline being neglected and abandoned so much, throughout her childhood, she tends to want to be alone and either read or study by herself. I notice that over time, due to her being alone so much, she had gotten sick and was hospitalized only to find that her father finally visits and takes her home after two years. Due to her strength of dealing with her family all these years, she constantly begs her father to let her attend college in England with her older brothers. He finally says yes after she receives 1st place in a writing competition based off of her childhood.

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'; font-size: 16px;">The Beggar posting #1

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'; font-size: 16px;">2/13/12

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'; font-size: 16px;">The book begins with the main character Omar sitting in the waiting room at a doctor’s office of one of his friends from the past. He tells his doctor and old friend that the reason he is there is because he has no desire to work. Omar then starts by giving hints to the reader of his profession in Law. He then provides examples of his lack of enthusiasm towards his occupation like leaving work for others and postponing cases. The doctor finds nothing physically wrong with him, and tells him at the end of his visit she should go on a diet, regular exercise, and a vacation. Since the doctor has insight of his past he questions Omar about his interest from back then. In Omar’s previous occupation he was a poet, though he claims to have abandoned poetry seeing it as only “child’s play and nothing more.”

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'; font-size: 16px;">In the beginning of the book, I felt really confused at first on what was happening and did not comprehend well at times. Though as the story went on, I began unraveling the key points that were intentionally missed suspecting this was in order to grasp the reader’s attention. Another point I considered, realistically speaking, Omar’s “condition” I realized was some form of depression just sucking the life from him away (page 11). I also noticed that this part of the book Omar has a daughter named Buthayna who loves poetry with a passion and when he discovers this, he confronts her about it and says that he still wants her to pursue her studies in science (page 38). That portion seemed very familiar with the last book I read, Chinese Cinderella, and how even though she wanted to study writing, her father insisted she study within the medical field.

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'; font-size: 16px;">In The Beggar there seems to be connection between food and human behavior. Some examples are shown when Mustapha says to Omar that “food offers a better explanation of human behavior” and the author himself, Naguib Mahfouz, states that “freedom of action is a type of creativity even while you’re struggling against the appetites. If we say that man was not created to gorge himself with food, then with the liberation of the stomach the spirit is free to soar.” While reading this, I could see the strong psychological bond on how such a basic foundation, such as food, can really affect how humans behave.

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'; font-size: 16px;">The Beggar posting #2

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'; font-size: 16px;">3/16/12

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'; font-size: 16px;">This part of the book continues the story with Omar returning to work back at the office yet he has regained no desire to work whatsoever. Omar is visited by Mustapha who questions if his condition is getting better. Omar tells Mustapha that the problem he has is becoming more serious since he can’t even bear seeing his own wife or going back to his home anymore. Mustapha suggests that they go to a club in order for Omar to clear his mind and possibly have a good time. Though, the outcome is Omar having an affair with not just one woman, but with two. His wife and daughter have some suspicion on the situation and confront him about it. This causes Omar to deny everything and distantly separate himself from them.

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Halfway through reading this section, I couldn’t believe that Omar went to a club, danced with a random stranger named Margaret, gave her a ride and even kissed her! (pages 55 – 57). Then Omar arrives home to find his wife, Zeinab, with such “dull, saddened eyes looking tormented and desperate” as though she wouldn’t sleep until she knew that he would return home safely (page 58). At this point, I just wanted to slap Omar because he treats her so coldly, lies to her about where he has been and about how home doesn’t upset him. Then, when Omar decides to officially leave the family he confesses to his oldest daughter about his lies, after being questioned, and leaves his wife to "suffer from his desertion and the pregnancy of her third child" in which I believe is just wrong (page 76). I do once again feel pity towards Omar when he finds out that after he left the family, things began returning back to normal for them and his youngest daughter has almost completely forgotten about him, yet I still think he deserved it for everything he has done (pages 84 and 85).

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Omar claims that the "sensation" he has been feeling for poetry writing and beauty has “revived him making the doubt, apathy, and bitterness vanish”. He then becomes so addicted to this feeling that he picks up different women and leaves his wife and children behind. Although, he seems happy when he is with these women it comes at a cost of his wife and daughters happiness. Also, the sensation he feels does not last long since after some time with one woman, he becomes uninterested and has to move on with another. As a result of all of this, Omar winds up wanting to gain the sensation back and ends up hurting as well as leaving every single woman that he has been with including his daughters.

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'; font-size: 16px;">The Beggar posting #3

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'; font-size: 16px;">4/13/12

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'; font-size: 16px;">In the remaining part of the book, Warda leaves Omar causing him to bring home different women every night again. One day, Mustapha calls stating that Zeinab was in labor and Omar rushes to the hospital to find Buthayna there to greet him. Zeinab gives birth to a baby boy who she named Samir and Omar comes back for the sake of his children. Omar is then visited by his old friend Othman who just recently got out of prison, after serving twenty years, for political reasons. Omar, going back to his old ways, leaves his family once again to spend time alone in hope of discovering his true meaning in life. While being gone for a year and a half, he suffers intense hallucinations and delusions and confusing them with realism. Othman, getting involved in politics again, turns up at Omar’s house escaping from police, but Omar thinks he is an illusion. Omar is shot and wounded as the police catch Othman. Once Omar recognizes pain, he begins to feel back into reality as if he was returning to the world.

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Towards the end of the book, I was having trouble grasping Omar’s sense of mentality. Due to the fact that he felt sensations when he was with different women, but now he “knows them yet there was never any desire” (page 97 and 98). Omar claimed to have strong feelings for Warda, but now he “felt no emotion, surprise, agitation or pleasure” (page 97). He even deserted his own family, came back, and then left once again saying it was a mistake to come back since it is “so full of emotions which disturb and inhibit” (page 122). I felt Omar came off as a very depressing, confusing, and possibly suicidal character saying that “It’s the end of my relationship with everything”, “I’ll go mad or commit suicide” and even having such disturbed and strange hallucinations (pages 125 and 127). In spite of that, I felt as if I experienced some of what Omar was going through in the book because his view on the world and all around him were so drawn out and vivid that although the concept wasn’t clear, the picture was strong.

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'; font-size: 16px;">Throughout this section of the book, Omar is trying to find the meaning of life within him and asking others. Everyone, including Warda, that he asked gave him relevant answers such as “in hope to find true love” and involved faith into them, yet Omar couldn’t connect to any and continued to seek out. His emotions and sensations were being driven by basic wonders of the world like a sunrise making his “heart dance for joy and his fears and miseries being swept away”. However, Omar failed to feel anything from women anymore which he first thought were the key to the sensation he longed for. Not knowing what to do, Omar deserts everything and everyone who cares for him in order to “rid himself of distractions and burdens of the world from his shoulders”. As a result, Omar turns into a mental wreck confusing actuality from delusions.